January 1 is traditionally a time for resolutions, goal setting and the determination that this time we will accomplish our objective. By February many of us have already thrown in the towel. Are we entirely to blame, or can we look somewhere else for past failures?
Researchers and co-authors Bob and Dian Benson have a new explanation for an old phenomenon. They call it "Partner Fear" or the "PF Factor" and explain that there are two types of fear that can keep us from achieving our goal. The first fear is our own. The second is the fear that people close to us have, say the Bensons, who co-authored the book "SubContact" which contains an in-depth discussion on the subject of fear.
"Some people fear success because deep down they feel they are not good enough, which sets them up for failure. This is a deep-rooted anxiety that can be overcome through self-knowledge. There is also fear of the unknown, or what might be expected of me after this success. Nine times out of ten, once we understand the roots of our fears and can name them, they lose their power over us," Bob Benson said. "We then have the freedom to choose a new direction and proceed in spite of the apprehension."
The fear that significant others have can be an insidious bar to progress. According to
Dian, "Those closest to us may not mean deliberate harm, but subconsciously they act out
their own fears by sabotaging or minimizing our efforts. Research shows that the fear of change is one of our greatest fears, so it is understandable that people close to us share that anxiety. Their fears generally follow the lines, 'If you change, what happens to me? Do I have to change too? What if you outgrow me?'"
Bob Benson said, "Once we understand that it's not only us facing the fear of change, but also significant others, we've come a long way." But there's more to goal achievement than overcoming fear. Research tells us that we will be more successful if we approach goal setting in a systematic way. For example, to increase the likelihood of success, personal objectives should possess six characteristics:
- Specific: Describes your goal in as much detail as possible. Vague goals can be useless and discouraging. The more clearly you see your goal the more likely you (and your subconscious) are to move toward it.
- Measurable: Describes your goal in terms that can be measured and assessed.
What will your life look like when you get there? What do you need to accomplish first? What's next?
- Challenging: Your goal should take energy and discipline to accomplish. Setting
goals too low can be a waste of time.
- Realistic: You must know you are capable of obtaining the goal. A realistic goal will not
rely on luck for achievement, so winning a lottery or a popularity contest are not realistic goals. The most realistic objective takes into account your skills and assets as well as your weaknesses.
- Completion Date: Set a date when you think your goal should be reached.
Remember that long-term goals can and should be broken down into shorter-term milestones
that need to be reached before the target date is achieved.
- Systematic/Organized: Lack of proper prioritizing may lead to feelings of
overload. Allow for time to stop and smell the roses.
Dian said, "The research literature shows that one of the most powerful social influences of the 20th Century was the origin of mutual support groups. One of the best ways to achieve your goal is to join a mutual support group where you help others and others help you achieve your goal. Created in the last century, support groups continue to proliferate today because by their nature they are win-win situations."
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CHI Learning Centre offers the Modular program, SubContact, which includes goal achievement skills. GO Teams Module also offers suggestions for a mutual support group designed to facilitate individual and group goals.
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